A PAX on you all.

Up until three years ago, I never got sick.  I mean like, ever. If I did, it was usually some minor 12 hour sniffles.  Now, like clockwork after every PAX some gamerborne virus or bacteria of the underworld, some pestilence of the Kilrathi, some infection of the Dark Savant kicks my immune system right in my immune system’s balls.

I now refer to PAX as the weekend before I take a few sick days.

I’m ensconced this time in Port Townsend, a place I go for spiritual and now physical healing.  This is my first full day here and I’ve already had an ear irrigated!  Does that sound like a good time?  I’ll tell you what it sounds like, it sounds like a tiny guild navigator has taken up residence in my right ear and keeps burping water of life directly on my eardrum.  The dizziness that ensues has convinced me the Japan earthquake permanently tilted the earth inwards. [NOTE: In all seriousness the Japan Earthquake is a tragedy on levels that make Katrina look staid.  Statistics show that 100% of my readers have a cell phone because they are all geeks.  Please text REDCROSS to 90999 to give $10 as you read this for earthquake relief in Japan.]

I’m trying to say, I’m back, but I’m not whole. Illness is but a part of it. I wrote last year about PAX East and PAX in general that I don’t think I can really top so please go check it out here. The best I can do here is to recap the more surreal moments:

  • Nerdforce One:  Our flight out of Seattle contained just about everyone from Microsoft, both Gabe and Tycho from Penny Arcade, and a billion other game industry geeks. Bored, but with access to the Internet, we began to spin tales of wonder about our flight.

  • Seeing the enormous turn out for our tweetup just before the opening of PAX, and how patient and awesome gamers are.  Despite a cold drizzle, people stood in line around the block and we reached venue capacity in just minutes.  Sorry folks we’ll pick a bigger venue next year, but Lucky’s definitely stepped up and helped us get people in and through to say hello.

  • I met Jane McGonigal very briefly a few years ago when discussing safety online, and she smartly and soundly rapped my knuckles against an assumption I made using a ruler forged from her enormous knowledge of facts. Her keynote was magical, as all PAX keynotes have been.  I truly fear for the Earth, this collection of ever increasing 50 minute talks to open the event.  It’s creating a library of inspiration and knowledge that must one day collapse in upon itself. Every time I think it has no where to go but down, it goes up.

  • I had made it clear before that our presentation at PAX East was for those who had not been able to see us before.  Much of the content was repeat.  However I did insert a tiny observation that was new into the talk, and the reaction stunned me.  I cribbed a line from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and applied it to gaming and got a reaction I was not quite expecting.  I will excerpt it:

      We’ve had a good time talking humorously about the ins and outs of enforcement, I wanted to finish off talking about something that I talked a little bit about last year. I was playing BulletStorm the other day, any BulletStorm fans here? (Some shouts) How many of you play Anarchy, online? [Fewer Shouts] Ok then one or two.  Anarchy is really tough, it’s a multiplayer mode to the game.  And what is involved in that is actually working together as a team.  It’s very much like Horde mode or Firefight in other games where basically players have to defeat incoming waves of enemies.  The thing that makes BulletStorm more interesting is that it requires the team to work together on specific challenges or you don’t pass the level. You can kill all the enemies on the level and you will not progress because you have to work together as a team on the team challenges.

      So I started playing the game and I was completely new, and there were other new people but there was one guy who was awesome. I mean, he was killer.  And he was teaching us how to actually play as a team.  He would help set up the team environment that was required for us to score the additional amount of points that we need. And as I played with this guy, I felt like I was really having a blast not just because I felt that BulletStorm was a fun game, but because here was this person who was taking the time to help all of us to become better so that we could succeed and progress.

      I last year about sportsmanship.  I spoke about last year about how it is upon us as gamers to spread that word about sportsmanship. And fun.  And fair play. And I talked a little bit about obeying Wheaton’s law, which I think we all should do. And I thought, as I was playing this guy, about when I was younger, and played in the world of arcades, and a park near my home.  Where you often times had that same camaraderie where someone next to you might be cheering you on to get to the next level of a video game even if they had the next quarter, on top of the arcade machine that showed everyone they were going to have the next game. They were excited about that.

      And I wonder if it isn’t time as well, for us as enforcers of course are here to help protect. But, as I think we all got out of the keynote today that we are all contagious vectors of AWESOME (for those of you who might have saw that), I wonder if it’s not time to go a little bit beyond Wil’s suggestion and not just not be a dick or discourage dick behavior, but maybe be excellent to each other.

      [LAUGHTER, THEN LOUD APPLAUSE]

      That BulletStorm guy?  He was being excellent to everyone…

The applause was loud and full throated and really stunned me.  But it shouldn’t have. This was PAX.  Of course they would agree with being excellent to each other.

  • The convention center in Boston is AMAZING.  Upgrading from the Hynes last year, now we had a venue that PAX truly shines in.  The traffic flow was good, the expo floor and tabletop areas were wide open and amazing.  I saw more at this PAX in a shorter amount of time than any previous venue. It was like the entire building was designed for us.

  • Doing the Major Nelson Radio show live has become a twice yearly event I so greatly look forward to. The crowd’s excitement is infectious, and it just seems to me we feed off of that so much better than each week when we sit in a room doing it.  Not to say we don’t do a good job, but the PAX live recordings?  I treasure them.  Take a listen.

  • Saturday night’s concert row has always been my favorite. I can’t wait for Jonathan’s new album to come out, and Paul and Storm treated the PAX East crowd to a couple of rarities I don’t think they have heard before.

  • Sunday morning was probably my favorite, as that is when Sean Baptiste of Harmonix debuted his new show, When I Grow Up.  Sean was diagnosed with an inoperable benign brain tumor that nonetheless was situated in a really bad place, causing a buildup of cerebral fluid.  After undergoing 12 brain surgeries to properly correct the problem, it left Sean still the same awesome funny person, but with some unique new challenges he has to overcome every day. While waking up from one of his surgeries, he was struck with an epiphany: what ever happened to all the things he dreamt of wanting to do as a kid?  What if he tried to do them now?  When I Grow Up chronicles the first experiment: Stand Up Comedy.  Sean premiered the episode at PAX East on Sunday at noon.  I’d been following his travails for a while, since I hold him personally responsible for my addiction to Rock Band and I think he is also an awesome person.  So we had him on as a guest on the Major Nelson podcast to help drive attendance to the premiere.  The show was fantastic, everyone loved it.  And I was deeply moved to be included in the credits for the first episode.  Please check it out, its an amazing story, and an amazing journey.

    Saturday night I got to meet Randall Munroe, creator of XKCD.  Sunday night I got to spend the night drinking and chatting with him, MC Frontalot, Paul and Storm, and a host of other amazing people.  The most surreal and awesome thing, is sitting next to Randall as he read “The Petal Falls Twice” to us out loud in the hotel bar. Warning, that’s not just not safe for work, its not safe for the human mind.  Now imagine it’s being read to you by Randall fucking Munroe.  The strangeness of this life cannot be measured.

I don’t have much more to remember now, as cold medicine begins to work its weird magic and the dolphin at my feet urges me to sing the fencepost in saran wrap.

I’m trying to say I’m fading a little bit. 

In closing I would like to thank every single person who came up to me and said hi or asked me to sign my book or a badge or just wanted to talk.  You are the reason I love PAX so much and I would trade all of the above gladly to make sure I still got to answer your questions and reminisce about JoCoCruiseCrazy or just hang out and marvel at the event overall. Thank you, thank you, and yet again thank you.

The Dolphin grows inpatient, and I only have so much saran wrap. Why must I toil on vacation?

And the Smell of Ink on the Air.

The grounds require a license. You’ve paid it, with a snarl to show contempt that hippies would even try to enforce some type of conservation here.

In this time, it’s primal.

In this place, it’s nature.

Only so many people, the bleeding hearts say.  Only so many at a time, the mewling babies believe.

But you hit the grounds, sights ready, and it’s a target rich environment. No one’s hunting the easy targets, you can walk out of here with a signed piece of paper easy.

Rows stretch out from the entrance. Paper.  People.  Pizza.  The three P’s of the game. Long Boxes hide prey, Top shelves and obscured prices are bush and high grass to the prize. Prey hide behind dealers “oh that? no that’s available only at our store” the mock call goes. “We just sold the last one, let me take that down,” the bright captured stag is pulled down in front of you.

The hunter is strong.  He has walked here before.  Weapon at the ready like a taut bow.  His arm aches from patience.  His legs weak from tracking.  He hunts a specific prey, and stops along the wayside where pilgrims sip Powerade to ask, “Sin City Hardback Volumes 1-5?”

They stare back most of them. Used to requests about small prey, moderate prizes.  Big game?  That belongs in the realm of the Internet, not such private and close quartered as these.

”Have you seen it?” our hunter asks, scanning the top rows of the racks for some hint of his prey.

The hunter is not without alternates, though he might keep them to himself.  The grounds might feel fallow, but any hunter moves with a purpose bent on both trophy and survival. 

To the side, a poorly dressed Wonder-woman inappropriately adjusts, and through hairy arms a prize is glimpsed. Time matters here, the hunt is as much about targets of opportunity as it is about the hunting list.  No Sin City to be found, instead a treasure is ensnared and the hunter cries out triumphant against a sea of fellow gatherers who both do and do not know the game:

Bloom County Archival Editions ARE MINE!” the hunter screams as he spears three across the heart as trophies.  The passing horde stops for a moment to admire the kill, but moves on, each on their own hunt. 

Their hunt in the fields of paper and art, with the smell of fresh ink upon air.

“You people simply believe forever, everything your TV has ever said.”

1% of the time, a rare 1 out of every 100, you get an interesting cab driver, in a situation where you can both enjoy each other’s company.

Last night was a mini reunion somewhat for JocoCruiseCrazy performers.  Molly Lewis, Mike Phirman, John Roderick, myself, and of course Jonathan Coulton (and his new band, The New Groove Emergency) converged on The Triple Door in downtown Seattle.  After a rousing show by Molly and Mike and  Jonathan and the band, we enjoyed a long evening together tellin’ stories and being geeks and such. Around three in the morning, the party broke up, we all promised to converge again at PAX East, and I caught a cab ride all the way back to Duvall, roughly a 40 minute ride from downtown.

I hate cabs.  99% of the time you’re trapped in a car that smells like the worst parts of the human body and a driver who is most interested in making terrible chatter talk or spending the entire drive talking on their cell phone while treating you to what might be best described as “The worst last ride you will ever take”

The night was dry, but it was windy and very cold standing outside the restaurant saying goodbyes. As much as I didn’t want the night out with my friends to end, I was eager to get home just due to the length of the ride.

I’d asked the reception at the restaurant to call me a cab, and as we we stood out there, there was a nice Prius cab parked immediately, and a traditional one drove up beside it.  One was obviously an opportunistic driver looking just for any fare that needed a ride, the Prius driver motioned me impatiently toward his car.  I walked toward the newish looking car at the exact moment the older car pulled up and the driver called out “Stephen?" 

I don’t know why I hopped into the cab that pulled up last minute and called my name.  It was an ancient cab, the driver looked young. But I felt some tug of fairness that this was the cab I called for, and the driver had been dispatched. The other guy had been hanging out to get a fare.  Nothing wrong with that, but instinct somehow clicked. I hopped in the older cab, made my final waves goodbye, and settled in for the trip. The cabby asked me where to, and I clearly stated up front we’d be driving a long way out to the sticks, but that I would tip well.  With a heavily accented lilt to his speech he asked if he could get gas first if he turned off the meter, I was his last fare of the night.

I said sure, rolling my eyes a bit thinking, sure you had to pick this cab. The driver’s accent caught me for a moment however.  Most of the cabbies in Seattle are Indian or Asian.  I thought for a moment and was able to place his accent as somewhere in Africa, probably north given his physical look.  He politely drove to the nearest station, turned off the meter, and proceeded to fill up the cab while I sat in the back and checked mail and twitter. After a brief amount of time, just enough for him to make sure he had the gas to and from, instead of filling the tank, he hopped back into the car and pulled away.

“How was your night?” he asked.

I thought about being so lucky to get to spend the past 6 or so hours with people I really was so inspired by.  I smiled looking out the window and said “It was good.  It was really good.” I suddenly realized we’d pulled away without his starting the meter again. “Hey be sure you start the meter,” I said.

The driver looked into the rear view at me and said “Oh that’s not a problem.”  He started the meter, a good 5 dollars less than it should be.  We merged onto the highway and he piped up, “not too much to drink though?” It was both a jibe and an inquiry.

I smiled, "No a couple of beers, I’m not going to throw up in your car.”

He laughed in that accent again, “It’s been a good night for me then as well.”

“Ok I give up, where are you from?” I asked.

“Ethiopia!” he stated proudly.

“Oh my god,” I said, “you people have the best food.”  I’d been introduced to Ethiopian food at a fantastic home style restaurant in Seattle near Capital Hill.  Rochelle and I spent an entire night gorging ourselves on Ethiopian beer and cuisine, family-style with a table full of strangers and friends from the region.

He laughed, “We’re not known here for our food.”

I explained that I’d been introduced by some locals to north African cuisine. “What is that amazing bread you have with your meals?”

The cabby laughed again, “injera. yes?”

“Yes,” I said, “Injera.”  I remembered the amazing sourdough taste of the flat and rubbery bread.  We used it to pick up highly spiced scraps of meat and vegetables. It was a fantastic time out with friends that greatly reminded me of the night I had just shared.

Outside the window, Lake Washington drifted by as we crossed the 520 bridge in near isolation due to the hour.

“I’ve not ever driven anyone who likes our food.” the driver said while I was stuck in a minor wormhole of an amazing cultural exposure.  I laughed a bit.

“No honestly,” he said, “you people still think we have no food in our country,” again that musical laugh came as he trailed off.

“Well,” I said, “American’s aren’t really known for following up on current events.”  I chuckled to myself thinking that was a clever snarky observation. 

“Yes, you people simply believe forever anything your TV once said.”

That statement, spoken with honesty not judgment, caught me off guard.  For while a generalization, if you combine the Internet with that point, it’s essentially accurate. He continued, explaining that he recently had a fare that asked him where he was from and when he noted he was from Ethiopia, they asked him how he learned to drive, since there were no cars there. He said in a kind of innocent bewilderment,  “No cars?  In Ethiopia? That is like saying there are not cars in Arizona!”

I sat in the back of this person’s car and I, instinctively, wanted to dispute his statement. But I thought of my own battles against those who wanted to play a rousing battle of “Someone is *wrong*, on the *internet*” Here’s a guy who knew the facts, and was simply expressing exaperation with someone who didn’t really know practically anything but was willing to weigh in anyway. No cars in Ethiopia.  I wondered if there was a nation anywhere on the Earth that had absolutely no cars.

“How long have you been in America,” I asked.

“Five years.”

“Your English is outstanding,” I said honestly, “I had to work out where I thought you were from.”

“Oh,” he said, “We’re taught English in Ethiopia in our normal schooling. A side effect from when the British withdrew. They taught us the words, but not the language.”

“I took French in my schooling, it was the same thing.  Words not the language.”

“In five years I learned to survive just the other day,” the cabby said.

Hillsides rich in trees passed by, suburbs of Seattle I knew well on my way home each day in my commute. 

We’d left the main highway and the driver needed my help to guide us out to my house. I looked outside the window as long drifts of blank lightless farmland went by, and I thought about what he had said.

“So, I love your bread,” I began, and I caught his glance back at me in the cab’s rear view mirror, “What do you like about here?”

I wish I could tell you I had an agenda about that question, and that is why I am writing this. I wish that his answer somehow made some wise political observation, an insight that cuts through our culture’s need to war between two parties or viewpoints.  He gave me an answer. I nodded.  It was a good answer. He said he liked meeting new people in his cab.

We drove up the long road to my house.  My cab driver was young.  Probably 25.  He crawled the taxi up the long stretch and said out loud in the pitch black street, lit only by the individual houses, “This is peaceful. This is a quiet place like my home”

It was. I took him at his word that it is.  The car drew up to the curb. I reached out and he handed me a credit slip.  I didn’t ask his name.  I didn’t know more about him than the half hour we’d talked.  I said, “Let’s shake hands.”

He turned back and grinned.  It was the best smile I think I would see in a year.  He held out his hand and we shook.  I tipped him generously, but shook his hand again as I handed him the credit card slip.

“I’m glad I’m your last fare,” I said, “have a safe night, and I hope you get home soon.”

Again he smiled, white teeth against black skin, and he said “My thanks, my thanks to you.”

I hear a lot of phrases, and I think of a lot myself.  But I like that one particularly.  “My Thanks, my thanks to you.”

In that moment I discovered my message I wanted to deliver at PAX East. But that’s next month. 

 

 

“You people simply believe forever, everything your TV has ever said.”

1% of the time, a rare 1 out of every 100, you get an interesting cab driver, in a situation where you can both enjoy each other’s company.

Last night was a mini reunion somewhat for JocoCruiseCrazy performers.  Molly Lewis, Mike Phirman, John Roderick, myself, and of course Jonathan Coulton (and his new band, The New Groove Emergency) converged on The Triple Door in downtown Seattle.  After a rousing show by Molly and Mike and  Jonathan and the band, we enjoyed a long evening together tellin’ stories and being geeks and such. Around three in the morning, the party broke up, we all promised to converge again at PAX East, and I caught a cab ride all the way back to Duvall, roughly a 40 minute ride from downtown.

I hate cabs.  99% of the time you’re trapped in a car that smells like the worst parts of the human body and a driver who is most interested in making terrible chatter talk or spending the entire drive talking on their cell phone while treating you to what might be best described as “The worst last ride you will ever take”

The night was dry, but it was windy and very cold standing outside the restaurant saying goodbyes. As much as I didn’t want the night out with my friends to end, I was eager to get home just due to the length of the ride.

I’d asked the reception at the restaurant to call me a cab, and as we we stood out there, there was a nice Prius cab parked immediately, and a traditional one drove up beside it.  One was obviously an opportunistic driver looking just for any fare that needed a ride, the Prius driver motioned me impatiently toward his car.  I walked toward the newish looking car at the exact moment the older car pulled up and the driver called out “Stephen?" 

I don’t know why I hopped into the cab that pulled up last minute and called my name.  It was an ancient cab, the driver looked young. But I felt some tug of fairness that this was the cab I called for, and the driver had been dispatched. The other guy had been hanging out to get a fare.  Nothing wrong with that, but instinct somehow clicked. I hopped in the older cab, made my final waves goodbye, and settled in for the trip. The cabby asked me where to, and I clearly stated up front we’d be driving a long way out to the sticks, but that I would tip well.  With a heavily accented lilt to his speech he asked if he could get gas first if he turned off the meter, I was his last fare of the night.

I said sure, rolling my eyes a bit thinking, sure you had to pick this cab. The driver’s accent caught me for a moment however.  Most of the cabbies in Seattle are Indian or Asian.  I thought for a moment and was able to place his accent as somewhere in Africa, probably north given his physical look.  He politely drove to the nearest station, turned off the meter, and proceeded to fill up the cab while I sat in the back and checked mail and twitter. After a brief amount of time, just enough for him to make sure he had the gas to and from, instead of filling the tank, he hopped back into the car and pulled away.

“How was your night?” he asked.

I thought about being so lucky to get to spend the past 6 or so hours with people I really was so inspired by.  I smiled looking out the window and said “It was good.  It was really good.” I suddenly realized we’d pulled away without his starting the meter again. “Hey be sure you start the meter,” I said.

The driver looked into the rear view at me and said “Oh that’s not a problem.”  He started the meter, a good 5 dollars less than it should be.  We merged onto the highway and he piped up, “not too much to drink though?” It was both a jibe and an inquiry.

I smiled, "No a couple of beers, I’m not going to throw up in your car.”

He laughed in that accent again, “It’s been a good night for me then as well.”

“Ok I give up, where are you from?” I asked.

“Ethiopia!” he stated proudly.

“Oh my god,” I said, “you people have the best food.”  I’d been introduced to Ethiopian food at a fantastic home style restaurant in Seattle near Capital Hill.  Rochelle and I spent an entire night gorging ourselves on Ethiopian beer and cuisine, family-style with a table full of strangers and friends from the region.

He laughed, “We’re not known here for our food.”

I explained that I’d been introduced by some locals to north African cuisine. “What is that amazing bread you have with your meals?”

The cabby laughed again, “injera. yes?”

“Yes,” I said, “Injera.”  I remembered the amazing sourdough taste of the flat and rubbery bread.  We used it to pick up highly spiced scraps of meat and vegetables. It was a fantastic time out with friends that greatly reminded me of the night I had just shared.

Outside the window, Lake Washington drifted by as we crossed the 520 bridge in near isolation due to the hour.

“I’ve not ever driven anyone who likes our food.” the driver said while I was stuck in a minor wormhole of an amazing cultural exposure.  I laughed a bit.

“No honestly,” he said, “you people still think we have no food in our country,” again that musical laugh came as he trailed off.

“Well,” I said, “American’s aren’t really known for following up on current events.”  I chuckled to myself thinking that was a clever snarky observation. 

“Yes, you people simply believe forever anything your TV once said.”

That statement, spoken with honesty not judgment, caught me off guard.  For while a generalization, if you combine the Internet with that point, it’s essentially accurate. He continued, explaining that he recently had a fare that asked him where he was from and when he noted he was from Ethiopia, they asked him how he learned to drive, since there were no cars there. He said in a kind of innocent bewilderment,  “No cars?  In Ethiopia? That is like saying there are not cars in Arizona!”

I sat in the back of this person’s car and I, instinctively, wanted to dispute his statement. But I thought of my own battles against those who wanted to play a rousing battle of “Someone is *wrong*, on the *internet*” Here’s a guy who knew the facts, and was simply expressing exaperation with someone who didn’t really know practically anything but was willing to weigh in anyway. No cars in Ethiopia.  I wondered if there was a nation anywhere on the Earth that had absolutely no cars.

“How long have you been in America,” I asked.

“Five years.”

“Your English is outstanding,” I said honestly, “I had to work out where I thought you were from.”

“Oh,” he said, “We’re taught English in Ethiopia in our normal schooling. A side effect from when the British withdrew. They taught us the words, but not the language.”

“I took French in my schooling, it was the same thing.  Words not the language.”

“In five years I learned to survive just the other day,” the cabby said.

Hillsides rich in trees passed by, suburbs of Seattle I knew well on my way home each day in my commute. 

We’d left the main highway and the driver needed my help to guide us out to my house. I looked outside the window as long drifts of blank lightless farmland went by, and I thought about what he had said.

“So, I love your bread,” I began, and I caught his glance back at me in the cab’s rear view mirror, “What do you like about here?”

I wish I could tell you I had an agenda about that question, and that is why I am writing this. I wish that his answer somehow made some wise political observation, an insight that cuts through our culture’s need to war between two parties or viewpoints.  He gave me an answer. I nodded.  It was a good answer. He said he liked meeting new people in his cab.

We drove up the long road to my house.  My cab driver was young.  Probably 25.  He crawled the taxi up the long stretch and said out loud in the pitch black street, lit only by the individual houses, “This is peaceful. This is a quiet place like my home”

It was. I took him at his word that it is.  The car drew up to the curb. I reached out and he handed me a credit slip.  I didn’t ask his name.  I didn’t know more about him than the half hour we’d talked.  I said, “Let’s shake hands.”

He turned back and grinned.  It was the best smile I think I would see in a year.  He held out his hand and we shook.  I tipped him generously, but shook his hand again as I handed him the credit card slip.

“I’m glad I’m your last fare,” I said, “have a safe night, and I hope you get home soon.”

Again he smiled, white teeth against black skin, and he said “My thanks, my thanks to you.”

I hear a lot of phrases, and I think of a lot myself.  But I like that one particularly.  “My Thanks, my thanks to you.”

In that moment I discovered my message I wanted to deliver at PAX East. But that’s next month. 

 

 

The Blue Truck Lady From Hell

The town I live in, Duvall, has an email alias within Microsoft for all the employees who live there.  Without fail, every couple of months, someone sends this:

"What’s with the lady in the bright blue truck who only goes 20 miles per hour on the main roads?  Can something be done about her?"

And again without fail, comes the reply from someone else on the alias:

"Ah, I see you ran into the BTLFH."

Duvall is a small farming community with a population that runs in the low thousands. It sits on the East side of the beautiful Snoqualmie river valley.  Over the past 10 years or so, a significant portion of that population has shifted to having a large contingent of Microsoft employees, drawn by the lower house prices and small town life. Like any small town it has its benefits, drawbacks, and minor quirks. A benefit for instance is that it’s almost always quiet, and on a clear night you can see the milky way due to the lack of light pollution.  A drawback might be the dearth of good restaurant choices or the distance one has to go to attend a major concert or event.

And a quirk would be The Blue Truck Lady From Hell.

The Blue Truck Lady From Hell is an older woman driving a bright blue Ford Ranger pickup truck with a white dark tinted bed cover.  She is known primarily for never exceeding 20 or 25 miles per hour, even on the 55mph highway that leads in and out of Duvall, or any of the associated 45mph roads in and around the town.  She is most famous, and earned the "from hell" designation, for consistently slowing down the morning Microsoft commute.  The fastest way from Duvall to Microsoft involves the 203 highway (55mph) to 124th (45mph) to Novelty Hill (35-45mph).  That stretch of the Microsoft commute has no passing lanes until you reach Redmond Ridge, about 5 miles from Duvall.  Meaning if you happen to get stuck behind the BTLFH, you will be stuck behind her for the next 10-15 minutes, crawling along at 20mph.  Here’s a photo of me stuck behind her this morning:

WP_000071

That stretch of road is 45mph, we’re crawling along slowly enough there for an MS employee behind me to safely capture the moment with his phone.

Depending on your commute habits, you might run into the BTLFH roughly three or four times a year, just rare enough to make it an oddity and amongst some of the newer members of the community, an exciting event.  Like sighting a bald eagle or something.

Whenever I see someone driving in a way that is completely counter to reality or the world I myself appear to be experiencing, I no longer get angry or upset.  Instead, I try to imagine what world that person is seeing.  In the case of the BTLFH, I often imagine that she is seeing a mystical world of amazing beauty, with rainbows and mythical beasts and stunning vistas, such that she can’t help but drive slowly in order to experience it all.  Or perhaps she is seeing a dark world fraught with peril, where just the slightest mistake could send her careening off a sheer cliff face or into a pool of lava.  Or maybe she see’s a post apocalyptic world filled with the ruins of past glory, and she is driving slowly in sadness, lamenting a world now past.

Either way, I just can’t get angry when I realize she’s going to be a part of my morning commute.

We also have Zombie Deer in Duvall, but that’s a story for another time.