Category: Misc

A Geekster’s Paradise Part 2: The Wheatoning

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I will shortly continue my exploration of classic early 1990’s game manuals…shortly. But in the words of Stephen Hawking: You folks gotta’ getcha’ summa’ ‘dis right here*.

So, I’d been waiting for tonight for a while. This evening the LA Kings were battling the Dallas Stars at the same time that Wil Wheaton’s episode of Big Bang Theory was airing on CBS while he was stuck at w00tstock and wow if this sentence was any longer we could market it as a penis extender.

I had prepared Rochto for the battle royale that was going to be the hockey match tweeting, because Wil and I had created a fun sort of back and forth on Twitter for our various teams.

But in the mean time, three things happened. I got caught in a vortex of work banning miscreants, and Wil got caught up in a vortex of how awesome it must be to get to hang out with Adam Savage and Paul and Storm and also be on TV at the same time. And lastly, The Dallas Stars got pummeled, nay *batted about* by the LA Kings.

That’s not to say that I am (I’m not) as most Firefly fans would put it, BITTER. Because in this life we all have our moments which are wonderful. Mine tends to happen every day when I protect the Xbox LIVE service from what I affectionately call "poopheads."  I am indeed, fortunate in my work.

But to get back to the point, during tonight’s episode of Big Bang Theory (a show that I delight in holding close to my geek vest) I was forced to share my treasure with Rochto, an avowed Wil Wheaton fan.

"This is silly" was her judgment.

"Wait," I said, knowing more than I should about the show, "you don’t understand. When the guy starts making fun of his opponent in a card based game like that using Wrath of Khan quotes, that guy is totally me"

Her stare was cold, her words, cutting:

"Yeah I got that.  He kinda made me think that when he said the card game was ‘Kha-an.’"

Not only did Wil Wheaton’s LA Kings destroy my Stars this evening, Big Bang Theory’s…theories…caused my wife to slice my geek heart to the very…bone?

The crushing moment was when I realized, my grandmother still alive is my Meemaw, however there’s no tea party like Wil’s nana’s tea party. **

Wheaton had won.  Geek Wise, Hockey Wise, everything wise. So I made sure I paid special attention to his gamertag.  Oh sure he says "Don’t be a dick", but does he practice, what he preaches?***

*In fairness I only ever heard Hawking say that one time.

** No, really, you gotta see the episode to get that.

*** yeah he does.  Damn it.

Living la vida…Local.

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Rochelle and I are fortunate enough to live not just in the Pacific Northwest, but also in one of the richest farming areas in the region. Our little town, Duvall, is situated in the Snoqualmie river valley.  It struck me, not to long ago, that being able to live in a place so beautiful might have other benefits once I realized how many farms there were around here. The local farms and farmer’s markets are fantastic and we’ve grown used to local fresh vegetables and fruit on the table. As I thought more about it, I realized there was more here than met the eye.

In short, I realized I was being a fucking idiot for buying my steak at Safeway.

About most things I’m a pinko commie liberal.  But while I agree that meat is murder, the truth is that it’s tasty, tasty murder.

So we popped for a freezer and switched to all local foods, from fish to meat to everything.  We just bought a half a cow from a local farm, and I got several fresh trout and an entire wild caught king salmon (25 pounder!).  The freezer?

photo

We’re set.

The white packages are basically my cow, who I named “Tasty” while it was alive. Tasty was a Red Angus who lived his life wandering around the river valley eating what he was meant to eat: grass.  It also means he was a normal sized Red Angus and half of him represented about 140 pounds of meat.  Having enjoyed some of Tasty, I’m mystified now why people advertise corn-fed meat. I never knew what I was missing. Now I know that all corn does is create a bland, fat-filled cut of beef.  One that’s really not in any way good for you unless you only eat 2 ounces of it.

I can’t say enough how much better natural grass-fed beef tastes.  The first night Rochelle and I had T-bones.  Granted it’s more difficult to cook grass-fed beef because it has practically no fat so it goes from steak to jerky in 30 seconds of overcooking. But the flavor of those steaks was amazing.  It’s lean and what fat exists is far healthier Omega 3 laced fat.

Plus, since it wasn’t a gargantua corn cow each T-Bone was about 8-10 ounces in size. To get that in a corn cow you have to have the T-Bone sliced by the micron. These were an inch thick. Enough for a filling meal but not so much that you are really overeating.

Total cost for Tasty? $3.50 a pound, and that included the cow, butchering, aging, wrapping and freezing.

I think everyone’s experienced how much better fresh local fruit and vegetables are over the mass produced big aggro stuff. I had no idea how much better local eggs, meat, and milk is for you, and how much better it tastes.

So if you’re lucky enough to live in a farming area, try investigating some local sources for meat. It tastes better, you support local small farms, and it’s better for you.

Oh and if you live near me and the zombie apocalypse happens, we’re probably the spot you want to apply for admission to.  Bring an essential skill or scotch please.

Living la vida…Local.

0

Rochelle and I are fortunate enough to live not just in the Pacific Northwest, but also in one of the richest farming areas in the region. Our little town, Duvall, is situated in the Snoqualmie river valley.  It struck me, not to long ago, that being able to live in a place so beautiful might have other benefits once I realized how many farms there were around here. The local farms and farmer’s markets are fantastic and we’ve grown used to local fresh vegetables and fruit on the table. As I thought more about it, I realized there was more here than met the eye.

In short, I realized I was being a fucking idiot for buying my steak at Safeway.

About most things I’m a pinko commie liberal.  But while I agree that meat is murder, the truth is that it’s tasty, tasty murder.

So we popped for a freezer and switched to all local foods, from fish to meat to everything.  We just bought a half a cow from a local farm, and I got several fresh trout and an entire wild caught king salmon (25 pounder!).  The freezer?

photo

We’re set.

The white packages are basically my cow, who I named “Tasty” while it was alive. Tasty was a Red Angus who lived his life wandering around the river valley eating what he was meant to eat: grass.  It also means he was a normal sized Red Angus and half of him represented about 140 pounds of meat.  Having enjoyed some of Tasty, I’m mystified now why people advertise corn-fed meat. I never knew what I was missing. Now I know that all corn does is create a bland, fat-filled cut of beef.  One that’s really not in any way good for you unless you only eat 2 ounces of it.

I can’t say enough how much better natural grass-fed beef tastes.  The first night Rochelle and I had T-bones.  Granted it’s more difficult to cook grass-fed beef because it has practically no fat so it goes from steak to jerky in 30 seconds of overcooking. But the flavor of those steaks was amazing.  It’s lean and what fat exists is far healthier Omega 3 laced fat.

Plus, since it wasn’t a gargantua corn cow each T-Bone was about 8-10 ounces in size. To get that in a corn cow you have to have the T-Bone sliced by the micron. These were an inch thick. Enough for a filling meal but not so much that you are really overeating.

Total cost for Tasty? $3.50 a pound, and that included the cow, butchering, aging, wrapping and freezing.

I think everyone’s experienced how much better fresh local fruit and vegetables are over the mass produced big aggro stuff. I had no idea how much better local eggs, meat, and milk is for you, and how much better it tastes.

So if you’re lucky enough to live in a farming area, try investigating some local sources for meat. It tastes better, you support local small farms, and it’s better for you.

Oh and if you live near me and the zombie apocalypse happens, we’re probably the spot you want to apply for admission to.  Bring an essential skill or scotch please.

Road Denizens: A Taxonomy

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I can’t stand the process of flying.  I don’t mean specifically the up in the air part.  That part’s ok as long as people adhere to the code of conduct.  But I have come to abhor airports, the ridiculous security theater, the waiting, the delays, etc.

I very much enjoy road trips though.  And while I’ve already packed this summer with more miles than Seattle has collectively experienced degrees of heat (Fahrenheit) I’m finishing off with an extended trip from Seattle to New Orleans and back. Due to my extensive experience on the road, I’ve developed a sort of taxonomy of various types of drivers one finds on the great American series of tubes.

Note that some of these types can indeed be found in the normal course of driving in a city, so the list is not meant to really be anything more than an amusing, and sometimes rage filled, look at who are the people in your Interstate neighborhood.

The Hippo

The Hippo is any type of truck with more than three axles, from dump trucks all the way to semi’s. Other countries designed their highway systems to have a dedicated truck lane, to minimize the dangers of mixing long tall vehicles and short squat cars.  Our highway system unfortunately is not as advanced.  By themselves Hippo’s are not a hazard, it’s when they congregate in groups both blocking your line of sight to road signs or creating mini traffic jams on inclines.  But by themselves, Hippos are harmless and indeed fairly essential to keep our economy moving.  I just wish we had a lane for them.

The Angry, Angry Hippo

The angry Hippo however, is a serious danger to everyone on the road.  This is a Hippo who is in a hurry.  It tries to pass other hippos in the passing lane on dangerous uphill slopes.  It swings into the left lane suddenly if it even detects the vehicle ahead of it in the right lane might be moving a mile per hour slower than it is.  Angry Hippos are the ones who are riding your bumper because at the moment they can’t get out of the logjam of cars, and thusly Maximum Overdrive tactics are the only way to change the situation. Occasionally, an angry Hippo will develop some weird form of vendetta.  That film was not a work of fiction my friends, but a documentary I can attest. Angry Hippos project menace from every single move they make.  They are to be feared.

The Rolling Roadblock

This one cracks me up when it’s not filling me with a rage that burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.  It consists of two cars, one in the left lane and one in the right lane, who have set their cruise control for within .01 mph of each other.  Coincidentally someone has stolen their rearview and side mirrors, so that they have no concept of anything behind them.  Lastly, the feature of the rolling roadblock is that they have set themselves to the speed limit.  Thus creating a two car block that no traffic can pass until the one that is set .01 mph higher than the other eventually creeps a car length ahead.  These individuals are completely oblivious that another car is beside them, nor that they are holding up 50 cars behind them. Not paying attention to something behind you on the highway is perhaps a forgivable sin.  Not noticing, or not minding, a car keeping almost exact pace with your own for 10 miles right beside you is…creepy.

The Cruiser

This is me.  The Cruiser sets their cruise control and rides the road.  Anything that might cause an interruption of the cruise control (Hippos, Rolling Roadblocks, etc) results in exaggerated sighing, shaking of the head, perhaps even a throwing up of the arms before disengaging the cruise.  All in the hopes the problem ahead is looking in the rearview mirror and is appropriately chastened by your obvious display of frustration regarding their inadequate respect for your comfortable highway cruising speed.  The Cruiser might flash their brights as a preemptive matter before having to adjust the cruise, but only angry cruisers will use the horn. Cruisers typically have a GPS and are known to obsess over their projected arrival time. 

The Schizo 

The Schizo can’t quite make up their mind what speed they want to travel at, or what lane they wish to be in.  The Schizo changes lanes randomly and quickly, sometimes in the space of a mile.  Likewise the Schizo might travel below highway speed, above highway speed, or at highway speed, all in the space of 60 seconds.  The Schizo is of particular irritation to the The Cruiser and the Angry Angry Hippo, as you cannot predict their behavior and one might remain in proximity for many miles due to their sporadic speeding behavior.  The Schizo is often distracted by their cell phone or their ipod/stereo.  However I have encountered enough of them behaving this way for no reason to denote it as a class of road behavior rather than classify the specific cause of the behavior.

The Speed Demon

The Speed Demon is almost always a late model sports car or luxury vehicle with a prominently mounted $400 dollar radar detector.  The speed demon routinely travels at the speed limit+20.  By the time you notice a speed demon behind you and you decide to move over for them, they have already passed you on the right hand side.  There’s nothing you can really do or feel about The Speed Demon, except the “there but for the grace of god go I” feeling when you come across one 10 miles later, pulled over by a cop.

The Mobile Gated Community

These are your RV’s.  They deserve a class separate from Hippos in that they are fully and completely aware that they are driving a massively oversized vehicle for the American highway system and most (but not all of them) appear to feel every so slightly chagrined.  Most RV’s travel in the slow lane and to the extent they inadvertently cause a transient rolling roadblock when an Angry Hippo tries to pass them they have the good nature to shrug when you pass them with a kind of “Sorry, whaddya gonna do?” tone.  There is a very rare occurrence of the Angry, Angry Mobile Gated Community however to the extent they project menace, well let’s just say there’s a reason the vehicle in the rearview mirror in Duel wasn’t a Winnebago.

Molasses

This is the cop sitting on the side of the road who doesn’t even have his radar turned on that causes all flowing traffic to slow by 10 MPH, even if no one was speeding.

OMG I got a Jesus Phone and it walked on my water

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I’m not going to bother to explain that title, you’re either going to grok it or not.

Long time readers will know that I have treasured the concept of the smartphone, a phone so ultimately capable at connecting to the intertube supernet web, or providing me with my electronic ether missives, that my dream of an ultimately connected life is only realized by the future we live in, today.

I thought that day had come long ago with the advent of many a Windows Mobile phone or Blackberry.  But in the words of Admiral Jarok, “Oh, what a fool I’ve been…”

I began my 2 week long road trip in Seattle with a dead Zune.  I love the small form factor Zune.  I think it’s a great device.  But my Zune 2 ship gift version’s squircle died. You’d think with its primary control interface dead it would race forward, untethered like some out of control freight train, bringing me hitherto unknown levels of music.  Alas it dashed itself to death on the cliffs of insanity instead and just sat there like a dumb shit.

In my rush to leave for my trip I shoved in only 2 cd’s in the cd changer of Rochto’s car.  The new Dave Matthews Band and Jonathan Coulton’s Live CD.

These were, needless to say, worn through to transparency by the time I got to Colorado. Utilizing my Australian GPS’s capabilities, I was instructed to head “Stroight awn two oighty seffin to fawt cawllens, colorawdo” to the closest “Bist Boiy”

Now, I went in intending to get a simple Zune 8 gig since I had a lot of music loaded onto my new netbook and that was roughly what I would be replacing. But my brother Joscoto got the 3G iPhone and was raving about it. Timid, a little unsure, possibly even feeling naughty, I inquired if they had a black iPhone 3g 8 gig.

Nope, sold out since they were only 99$ They either had the white 3g 8 gig, or a black 16 gig iPhone 3gs. 

Gotta have black.

Well, I said, ok let’s get the 3gs.  I guess.  I mean…I hear it’s ok. But I’m only getting it for the music player.

You have to understand that I have had to endure the praises of the iPhone from every single person I knew.  It became so chic that suddenly I didn’t want it solely because the cool kids had it.

Yeah that version of me?  That version of me was a FUCKING IDIOT.

The iPhone is the single most polished and perfected Smartphone experience I have had to date. It’s true, other platforms do 10000 more things. But so far the iPhone does the 10 things I rely on perfectly. You can bitch about being beholden to the Apple app store, but so much of it is available for free that’s a silly objection.  Yes yes Apple has made mistakes in regards to censoring apps but that’s few and far between compared to how many awesome apps there are.

Music playback is perfect, phone reception is the same or better than my previous phones w/ ATT, and best of all I can get my Microsoft Exchange contacts, email, and calendar just like on any Windows Mobile phone. I especially love having the phone in iPod mode jacked into my car’s stereo and it pauses the song automatically to let me know a sms or phone call has come in.

I’m cursing myself for putting up with various iterations of what I thought a Smartphone should be over the years.  Even when I was pleased with the solution I had, a much better one was available via the iPhone.  So far I’ve loaded a killer planetarium application that uses motion tracking such that I can point the 3gs at any spot in the sky and it shows me the stars in that spot, a kindle application that loads all kindle books without my having to buy a much less featured Kindle, mapping and GPS applications that work perfectly, and a real web browser that has finally truly given me a mobile friendly view of the net web tuberhighway.

Am I raving?  YES I AM. Is it perfect?  no of course not.,  The recent SMS vulnerability proves Apple still doesn’t know fuck all about how to engineer security unless it’s through small market share. But I dare any self respecting geek who loves the future that is today of a fully connected world to play with a 3GS for 2 hours and not concede it is, to date, the best portable form factor multifunction device at its price point.

I love it.  I give it 48 stars.