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Where’s Stepto?

Today marks my 15th anniversary as a full time employee of the Microsoft Corporation.  I celebrated yesterday at work, and I have spent the past month working on a very important work thing, and a very important personal project.  I hope to say more very soon about both things.  But meanwhile now that most of the work is now out of my hands I’ll be back to posting here.  :>

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I’ll see you in The Year We Make Contact

It’s weird, but it feels like I’ve been waiting all my life for this year, immortalized in the sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey.

2009 was an incredible year. I discovered Songsmith.  I watched Barack Obama’s inauguration with a thousand excited friends in downtown Seattle. My awesome Mom turned 60! I invented a new word. The Dallas Stars beat the LA Kings at least once. I totally embarrassed myself with some old college poetry. I went to e3! I got an iPhone. I gave a speech at PAX! I was officially in the credits for my first video game, Halo 3: ODST. I bought a cow! And lastly, I put on an auction item for the Child’s Play dinner this year and raised $2,000!

I feel incredibly lucky to get to do what I do, and incredibly thankful for all the readers of my blog and followers on Twitter.

I hope you have an amazing New Year. Stay safe, and we’ll see you in The Year We Make Contact.

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A Geekster’s Paradise Part 5: Once More Unto the…

After already delving into an inadvertent treasure trove and finding such treasures, gems, and Hungarian phrase books, my next discovery really threw me for a loop.

As computer gaming in the late 80’s/mid 90’s became more sophisticated as a matter of execution, new functionality like multiplayer or shared content began to emerge.  One of the very first game systems to create shared content was developed by Mindcraft/Omnitrend, known as “Interlocking Game System”.  There were only two games I ever owned that used this: The outstanding space fleet combat simulator Rules of Engagement 2, and this game:

IMG_0161 

Breach 2 was a tactical marine squad combat simulator, where your squads would infiltrate enemy starships or other locations and you would have to guide them to victory. In many was it was the predecessor of games like X-COM UFO Defense.  The combat was turn based and shown from an isometric point of view.

I spent probably hundreds of hours playing these two games.  Through a software patch, Breach 2 became the method by which you boarded enemy ships you had defeated (or worn down) in Rules of Engagement 2.  Rules of Engagement 2 mimicked the LCARS interface of Star Trek: The Next Generation, even down to having an awesome multi code input self destruct mechanism for your ship. 

It' even features a scenario editor for building your own missions once you ran through the ones that came with the game. I would draw out elaborate plans of the interiors of the other ships and plot my squad’s best path through to ensure I captured it most effectively with the loss of the fewest marines. I confess to more than once chomping on a cigar as my most experienced marine, Squad Leader “Apone,” led the squad through all manner of Aliens or Star Wars ship invasions I could think of.

Breach 2 was a real treasure of a game. Of all the game manuals I found that day, this game along with Rules of Engagement 2 brought me more enjoyment per hour of just about any game I bought during that time period.  I wish I could find my Rules of Engagement 2 manual.

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In my Spare Time, I Bust Comment Systems

Due to some weird rendering issues with Disqus on Internet Explorer, I’ve switched over to IntenseDebate as the comment system for a bit to see how that works out.  Theoretically when you click on the comments link it will load that up as the comment UI at the bottom of the post.  For now a buncha comments got lost in the transition but I was reading them all so thanks for contributing and I think I have it fixed now. 

IntenseDebate supports Twitter and Facebook login too so you can continue to utilize those if you wish.  It’s UI is a little bit cleaner/nicer as well and it appears to work with all browsers.

If you come across any wonkiness you can email me, my address is on every post.

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Attended a Dinner, Helped the Children

Tonight was kind of a roller coaster ride for me.  After submitting our auction idea to the Child’s Play charity and having it accepted, then upgraded to the live auction during the dinner, I was kind of a bundle of nerves going into it.  First I said I would like to get $500 dollars for the idea, then when it was set to be live auction I back peddled and twittered that I would be happy with $250.

I’d like to take this opportunity to quote Jerry “Tycho” Holkins from a little while ago: “Dude the Banhammer aspect *had* to be played up. Great idea”

Tonight I sat in awe as the auction opened at $500.

You gotta understand the Child’s Play dinner.  Major Nelson, e and I arrived early to visit with friends and hang out at the silent auction. I got there ahead of Rochelle, because I wanted to chat around before dinner and the actual event. I was already pretty nerved up when I ran into my friend Wil, of the Wheaton clan, at the registration.  I didn’t know he was going to make it in so we chatted for a bit before we got our respective auction packets. After exchanging greetings and an inquiry as to where Rochelle was (she was caught in traffic) I blurted “Dude I’m nervous”, to which he replied the best possible response “Have you *seen* the Scribblenauts painting up for auction?” I had not and unfortunately my pic of it didn’t turn out. I’m convinced the reason for this is that it was so epic it cannot be captured by film. But it got my mind off of being one of only a dozen or so live auction events for the night for such a huge charity.

Rochelle arrived shortly thereafter and e and his girlfriend and Rochelle and I reached our table.  As various auctions came and went I only grew more nervous.  Stupidly in my mind I envisioned Jerry or Mike calling out “And now, lot 109, an entire day touring the Xbox Headquarters and being a member of the enforcement team!  Starting bids are 20 cents” followed by a crippling silence.

As each auction passed, bids ranging from under a thousand to many thousands I started to relax a bit.  But my jaw hit the table when Jerry opened the bid on our auction at 500 dollars and multiple hands shot in the air. A wide spread bidding war, to my total amazement, brought the total to $1500 dollars before two foes battled it out-battle….style- to bring the final bid total to $2000.

To be clear, we’re going to make sure the winners have an EPIC visit, but I want to say right here, right now: I’m going to ride this fucking high well into the spring.  It’s not every day you can send an email, spend six hours, and create $2000 worth of love and help for a sick children.

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Why we need a new Star Trek TV series, with the new crew, now.

I’m not normally the guy to advocate this.  After Enterprise, I was convinced Star Trek needed a 10 year break. But JJ Abrams’ spectacular film reboot of the franchise, combined with stories like this, make me think otherwise.

We need a new Star Trek TV series before the next film.

The fact that reboots that I felt worked or even worked ok if you built on them, like Superman Returns or Edward Norton’s Incredible Hulk, are being shelved is cause for great concern mostly because the drive to continue them is so tenuous.

I think about Spiderman, which has given us in the course of about 6 years a grand total of 6 hours of film.  Now Spiderman doesn’t need a movie franchise to continue the story, to enrich it. Spiderman came from comics. As did Superman and Hulk.  The movie reboots or adaptations can fail, but the source of the discovery of the material moves on unaffected.

Not so with Star Trek.  It was born on TV.  While the movies proved to be the foundation for returning to TV, the fact of the matter is Star Trek is too grand a franchise and a sci fi mythos to now be relegated to 2 hours every 3 years.

To be clear I am not proposing a full season of episodes.  But the next Trek movie will probably hit screens in late 2011.  Is it such a bad idea to have NBC broadcast a mini Trek season?  Perhaps 13 episodes?  These characters have arcs far more deep and sustaining than to have this group of actors come together maybe 4 times in one decade before they all want to do something else. I don’t think it’s hard to put together a storyline that builds their arcs before the next movie.  I spent the last 45 minutes slapping together an outline of what I think would actually be pretty successful if the execution was right.

Here’s an outline for seven or so 45 minute episodes (half a 13 episode season!) that could bridge the gap between the Star Trek movies.  If it works, great, you now have a model to chain TV shows between movies and make money.  If it doesn’t work, you can always use any success the second movie has to sell DVD’s of the TV season.

 

Star Trek: Series 1

Episode 1: “Balancing Power”

Summary: The Enterprise escorts Admiral Pike to a military summit with the Romulans to work out the continuing fallout from Nero’s actions. A minority of Starfleet’s leadership does not believe Nero acted alone.  Complicating matters is the fact Nero transmitted much about the Prime universe timeline to the new timeline Romulan high command before his death, in an effort to help protect the empire should his mission to destroy the Federation fail. Events come to a head when the Enterprise is attacked by a rogue Subcommander who believes that with Vulcan destroyed, the Federation is at its weakest now that they have lost their key scientific brain trust. Thanks to Spock’s science officer ability to work out weaknesses in battling a cloaked vessel for the first time, and Scotty’s ability to modify ship technology on the fly, Kirk safely gets Pike to the Summit, where a contentious but joint agreement to study creating Red Matter to prevent the coming supernova is worked out. However, the Subcommander and his ship escape. The tension and goal are meant to evoke the first TOS episode Balance of Power.

Crew Subtext: In the film, Spock had to work to understand the value of Kirk’s intuition.  In this episode, bristling under the presence of Admiral Pike, Kirk must learn to value Spock’s logic and intellect despite his instincts, and use both to enable his crew and Scotty to succeed.

 

Episode 2: “Legitimacy”

Summary: Fallout from the Nero incident continues as Starfleet, facing questions as to its awarding a young cadet command of the Federation Flagship, assigns an auditor to the Enterprise to observe the young Captain’s ability to command.  The auditor is skeptical and questions many of the decisions made during Kirk’s initial command during the film. The Enterprise is assigned the task of helping protect convoys of Vulcan refugee’s as they resettle to the new colony world. During this assignment, the rogue Subcommander from the previous episode reappears, and the auditor witnesses Kirk in action, leveraging all of his crew as a captain to succeed.  Particularly, a key conversation between Spock and Kirk, mediated and prodded by Bones, gives the insight needed to finally destroy the Subcommander’s ship. The Auditor’s skepticism is satisfied, but stays on the ship for the next several episodes.

Crew Subtext: After Pike’s visit, which Kirk felt stifled due to his respect for Pike, the auditor represents a chance to prove himself. He proactively seeks out Spock’s advice, building on the lessons from the earlier episode, but Bones emerges as the binding force for the two, providing both with the catalyst for insight present in the original series.

 

Episode 3: “She’ll Always Bring You Home”

Summary: The Enterprise has completed its forced shakedown, and now must return to Star dock at Earth for refit and tweaking. While the crew departs for various Earth side shore leave, Scotty is alone with his ship for the first time. In this episode we explore the empty ship from Scotty’s viewpoint, and get a good grounding for the various capabilities that will be used in future adventures.  A rattle in engineering has Mr. Scott bothered.  And we learn from flashbacks and asides with the refit crew both Mr. Scott’s passion for his ship, as well as his engineering capabilities as he discovers what is causing the vibration and realizes in no small way that the Enterprise is as much a member of the crew as anyone.

Crew Subtext: This is the episode that both the back story of Scotty and his expertise is revealed, as well as the foundation for the Enterprise being a member of the crew as much as Scotty’s protective attitude towards her. It’s the very seeds of his disdain for future technology like he had in the Prime universe for the Excelsior.

 

Episode 4: “McCoy, Leonard H. Son of David.”

Summary: While the Enterprise is in refit, McCoy returns to his family home in Kentucky, where is father is gravely ill.  Bitter at his son’s divorce when he remained married to his wife for 60 years, McCoy’s father is hateful for his son’s choice to join the militaristic Starfleet. Despite McCoy’s success, he chastises him. McCoy laments that their loving relationship ended with the divorce, but an interesting local medical challenge temporarily unites the two. Showcasing sci fi medical techniques, the two work together to advance medicine. Though they work together to solve the problem, and the elder McCoy grows to see his son through new eyes, the elder’s health decreases and his pain increases, leading him to plead with his son to end his life and let him go. McCoy, unlike Prime McCoy, cannot bring himself to be the individual who actually ends his father’s life, now that his once estranged father has re-instilled his pride in his own choices.  In pain, the elder McCoy asks his doctors to end his life and they do. Anguished, McCoy contacts Kirk, who helps McCoy deal with the death of his father through the lens of his own dealings with George Kirk’s death. “Better to miss a father you knew, than to imagine a father and never know if you are right” Kirk says. The discussion evolves into the personal choice euthanasia represents, but overall the fact that there was a choice.

Crew Subtext: McCoy deepens as an individual character outside the lens of Kirk and Spock. And we see both his southern heritage that was part of the Prime character as well as deeply understand his commitment to his profession. At the end, this is the McCoy we can see glibly telling Khan to be sure to cut his carotid artery during the “Space Seed” episode.

 

Episode 5: “Three Vignettes”

Summary: While the Enterprise is in refit, Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov head down to Earth for Shore Leave.

Uhura: At home in Africa, Uhura reunites with a domineering ex-fiancé. While clearly denoting her existing relationship with Spock, she is drawn to the magnetism and history the two have had together as the fiancé promises to amend his ways.  Events come to a head where he forces her to make a choice between a kinder gentler him, but only if she gives up Starfleet.  Incensed that he would try to dominate her through such a choice, she is reminded of what she has achieved and denies the ex-fiancé

Chekov: Chekov returns home to Russia just at the right moment his older sister is set to be wed.  He is the first most successful member of the family, being a whiz kid, and is assigned all the tasks of an official wedding coordinator.  Things quickly go awry as we realize more quickly than the family does that a physics and math whiz kid might not be the best person to coordinate the delicate family politics of a large scale Russian wedding.  All is forgiven however when Chekov realizes his best contribution: officiating the wedding.

Sulu: Having no living family, Sulu returns to San Francisco to stay with friends from his academy days. Having moved on, his friends are now anti-Starfleet, viewing it as a military organization bent on changing the culture of other worlds. in dealing with his friends rejection of his primary mission he visits the Starfleet Academy training center and undergoes several military simulations.  Just at the point he is starting to despair that his friends are right, he discovers that each military simulation has an underlying humanitarian mission (a la Kobayashi Maru)  He ends the episode deciding to repeatedly try the Kobayashi Maru mission.

Crew Subtext: Each Vignette has a different one, with Uhura its her strength and success that is due to herself, not someone else or some other role.  With Chekov it is the humor and joy of his youth and intellect, punctuated by the end where he realizes his role is best kept to uniting people not driving them.  Lastly, Sulu’s story reinforces his underlying ability to one day command.  That he believes deeply in Star Fleet and its role.  This is the foundation for thinking of Sulu as one day being “Captain Sulu”.

 

Episode 6: “Be Careful. *We* Will.”

Summary: Kirk, Spock, and McCoy return to the Enterprise ahead of the crew.  While Scotty appears to be obsessed with a hull vibration, the three share their stories of being away over dinner and drinks.

Kirk details his intensive new training on romulan combat maneuvers.  His segment is detailed with new starship tricks and space combat flashbacks. Flashy special effects fun.

Spock notes his journey visiting his mothers home place and partaking in their funeral/celebration of his mothers life via flashbacks which show the impact her death has on the character.

In the end they ask McCoy his time on Earth. Kirk notes that McCoy lost his father and asks if he’s ok.  McCoy takes a moment and says simply “hell of a time to ask”  When Kirk looks taken aback McCoy smiles and laughs. “I’m not sure how I got here,” he says, “I just know I’m looking at a green blooded hobgoblin and the only cadet who’s ever beat the no win scenario and I can’t imagine any other place I would rather be.” He chokes up for a second and raises his drink and says “Cheers, god dammit”

Mr. Scott interrupts to detail his findings on the health of the ship after refit, and the notification that all crew are due to be back on board within 24 hours. Kirk ends the dinner with “Mr. Scott, the crew are due to be back home.  Not on board. Let’s note that moving forward.”

Crew Subtext: while the threads of the show have taken a detour to the other crew, in the end the triumvirate of Kirk and Spock and McCoy are paramount. This episode is meant to solidify their camaraderie. Lastly its meant to show the Enterprise is their home, not just their ship.

 

Episode 7: “The Seven Year Itch.”

Summary: Our good friend Cyrano Jones is back, along with the Auditor. This time instead of trafficking in Tribbles, Cyrano Jones is peddling a new serum that allows Vulcans to mate with Ponn Farr anytime they want, as opposed to 7 years. Given the longevity of the Vulcan race and their slow mating cycle, a race down to 10,000 members needs help to breed. This episode is told in flashbacks done during interviews with the auditor and Kirk in Kirk’s (cramped) ready room.  We learn that the Enterprise is summoned to the Vulcan colony established by Spock Prime due to the threat of both Romulan attack (since the Vulcans have almost united in their small pool to give the federation a scientific advantage) and hucksters like Cyrano Jones.  Cyrano, a bit before his tribble days, claims to just be peddling happiness like the tribbles. But it takes Spock to find out that the breeding serum, which appears to work a third of the time on Vulcans, it 100% illuminates Romulan infiltrators to the colony.  While Jones tries to explain his serum had a net benefit, he is forced to stay on Vulcan helping those to whom his serum didn’t work.

Crew subtext: This is an opportunity to both mix humor with the dark reality of being a member of a long lived species being endangered.  This episode could be considered Amok Time meets Trouble with Tribbles. By telling the story as Kirk explaining the delicacies of the situation to the auditor it ends the auditor story line with a line of humor and competency on Kirk’s part. A sequence with Spock explaining breeding patterns to Kirk instead of a fight is enhanced by McCoy trying to describe a battle between two jealous lovers a la Amok Time and Kirk dismissing a scenario as “impossible”. Lastly, there is the underlying exploration of a civilization forced to realize it must force breed to survive.

 

There.

More than half a season outlined and ready to hand off to a writer or team of.  If I can do that in under an hour, I bet someone else could do it 10 times better and more professionally. ‘Course, the above might all be crap, but my point is more that leaving it lie for just movies means that come the third movie the cast, etc start to drift or some suit nukes the whole thing over a bottom line item.

Star Trek is too grand for that. 

Here’s hoping at least.

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Wield the Hammer, Help the Children

I’ve been insanely busy lately, although not as busy as people have made out. As today is Thanksgiving I thought it was appropriate to make an announcement. 

My junior year in high school our social science class had a choice for field trip: The burn recovery unit at Dallas’ Parkland hospital, or Children’s Medical Center.  Being squeamish as all hell, I chose the Children’s Medical Center trip.  It was a trip that I would say has profoundly affected my life. To see children in various stages of severe or terminal illness, yet still behaving like children in spirit and temperament, was both eye opening and heart breaking. Throughout my career at Microsoft, child medical oriented charities have been my charities of choice.  This year, I’m hoping to do something a bit beyond just my own giving.

As I’ve said on a couple of occasions, I’m insanely lucky to have the job I have doing what I do. This December 8th Rochelle and I will be attending the Penny Arcade Child’s Play charity dinner.  Just attending the dinner includes a donation to the charity, but this year I decided to see if we could do a little more given where I work.

So this year, We’re auctioning off several slots to serve as an honorary member of my team and come on out to Xbox HQ to help us protect the Xbox LIVE service! Here are the details I submitted to Child’s Play, which they excitedly accepted:

Have you ever wanted to help the Xbox LIVE enforcement team enforce the guidelines of Xbox LIVE against those who might want to be, for lack of more direct and not-family-friendly term, miscreants?

Well then, this is your auction!

The Xbox LIVE enforcement team would love to have your help. We're offering you the exciting opportunity to be a honorary member of our team, on-site at Xbox HQ.  There are three openings for auction that will take place during the month of January, each slot is six hours in duration.

To get the law talking stuff out of the way, you must be 18 years of age, willing to travel at your own expense to the Xbox LIVE HQ at Microsoft Studios B, Redmond, Washington. You must be willing to sign a Non-Disclosure agreement because you will see top secret secret secrecy stuff that is also secret and you should not tell anyone. Because it is secret.  Shhhh.  We can't talk about it.  Stop talking!  Oh wait, that's us telling you how secret it is.  Sorry. But it's secret!

In return for your compliance with the rules, you may experience (in no particular order):

  • A tour of the Xbox headquarters with Eric Neustadter (e) and Larry Hryb (Major Nelson).
  • A briefing with the Stephen Toulouse (Stepto) and the Xbox LIVE enforcement team discussing what we see online on the service and how to protect it.
  • Slack jawed looks of wonder.
  • A meal at the Studio Commons at Xbox HQ (numerous restaurants are available)
  • Private insider awesome stuff
  • And, best of all: Several hours of actively working to help police the Xbox service alongside the Xbox enforcement team, playing games and working to stop bad guys from being, well, bad guys.

You'll walk away with a free year of Xbox LIVE, some cool Xbox gear, and the knowledge you helped us protect the service from potential bad guys.

We’ll also provide you with a souvenir certificate thanking you for your help.  I have no idea how much people would want to bid for this but the retail value is roughly $75. I think I would be insanely happy if we could get $500 for the charity total.

There are only a couple of dozen tickets left for the event!  So if you want the chance to help an amazing charity, and whack some bad guys, here’s the link.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving everyone, and we hope to see you at the charity dinner!

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Recipe File: Pan Seared Duck Breast with Ducky Hominy Grits

Duck in any great quantity is bad for you.  But ever since The Fantastic Mr. Fox, combined with the Christmas dinner from A Christmas Story, I’ve been enamored with the bird in its various ways of preparation. Properly prepared, duck breast can be one of the most amazing experiences you’ve ever had with a red meat bird.  It’s like the anti-ostrich in terms of health benefits. The closest thing I can compare it to is prime steak, especially when it’s done leg confit or seared breast.

This recipe we’ll be doing pan seared breast, medium rare.

Ingredients:

4 six ounce Duck Breasts, fat and skin attached
1 tablespoon course sea salt
3 teaspoons coarsely ground black pepper
1/4 cup white onion, minced
2 tablespoons garlic, minced
1/4 cup white wine

Grits:

1 cup regular grits (not instant)
1 teaspoon sea salt
4 cups water
5 teaspoons Duck fat (Rendered from duck breasts above)

Using a serrated knife, score the fat side of the duck breasts deeply crossways.  When done there should be 2 or 3 deep cut X shapes on the fat side of the breasts.  Lightly dust the fat side in pepper and sea salt but leave at least half of each available.  Flip the breasts over and coat the other side in the remaining sea salt and pepper.

Bring the four cups water to a boil in a deep pan.  Add in slowly the one cup of grits.  Let boil/simmer for 30 minutes.

While that’s going, combine the onion, garlic and wine into a shallow frying pan.  Cook at medium heat until most of the wine has boiled off and the garlic and onion are soft.  At just the moment where the wine is still liquid in the pan and the other ingredients are soft, place the breasts in fat side down on medium heat still.  There should be immediate sizzle when the fat is placed.  Tend carefully for 6 minutes as the fat renders and shrinks.  The red side of the breast should become a deeper red and bloody, and the breasts should shrink noticeably in size.  That’s ok.  Carefully watch because as the fat renders it will deepen the oil in the pan and you have to be careful not to let it brown. While this is going on, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

After six minutes, flip the breasts to the meat side and cook in the oil for 4 minutes.  Once done, remove the breasts and set in a roasting pan.

Take the rendered duck fat, should be roughly 5 teaspoons worth (discard the rest) and beat it slowly into the grits until they are done.

Put the duck breasts in the oven, fat side up, for six minutes.

Remove the duck breasts from the oven and slice into half inch thick slices with the fat attached.  Color should be that of medium rare steak.  Nice and juicy red in the center. Serve with a dollop of the duck fat grits on the side and a nice green salad.

Enjoy!

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A Geekster’s Paradise Part 4: On Hungarian Phrase Books

I couldn’t believe my luck at finding the original Wing Commander Tiger’s Claw, and the Robosport install sheet.

But sometimes, just sometimes, when you stare into the wormhole, the wormhole totally makes eye contact then talks to its friend for a sec then makes eye contact again and then you are all “crap does that mean I should talk to it or what?” then it talks to the friend again then totally gives you a full-on stare and you are all like “ok I will make my move” and you head to it, but then the wormhole completely acts like it never looked at you at all and you panic and stammer,

“There’s…uh…hey.  How…I mean…uh…can you…isn't it…uh…wow who knew Mrs. Kintzeg would be the dance chaperone.”

Then you realize the wormhole’s friend is totally giving you the adoring eyes hey, wow she’s hot and it’s an 80’s teen comedy and you realize you liked her all along.

Yeah, that’s when I discovered this:

IMG_0158

Now, you have to remember, I’m old.  I’m like, really old.  My age from first digit added with the second equals 10.  FOR ONLY THE THIRD TIME IN MY LIFE. And despite my deep, deep steeping in where this book came from, I totally was all “wtf is this” and opened it and realized I liked her all along:

IMG_0159

Monty Python’s Flying Circus for the PC was an outstanding bridge from a comedy troupe to a PC game.  Back then, the bar for achieving such a crossover that worked was lower, because the amount of people you had to spend in resources to create An Incredible Game Experience (TM) was lower than the amount of people you had to dedicate to Make Something The Fans Will Love (TM).  Today, it's pretty much the inverse.  If I wanted to create Big Bang Theory: The Game, I would have to spend so much money on the game part that the humor of the original source would get diluted.

In this case, the game chose to specialize on a particular facet of the Monty Python universe: Terry Gilliam’s animation. This was a platformer set entirely in the world of the show’s animation. Even the copy protection was integrated into the show, as you had to choose between types of cheese from the phrase book.

You ended up controlling D.P. Gumby through levels containing all manner of Pythonesque obstacles (Think parrots. Vikings. One (or more) Spanish Inquisitions, and thank god, Spam) all in the Gilliam style, which translated surprisingly well to the 256 palette of MS-DOS based VGA games.

The best part was at the end of each level you threw up what you collected into a huge pit (note, those words have never been typed together.) If you did ok you got a part of your mind in reward.  And in bonus rounds (featuring the ministry of pointless arguments) you could lower your score significantly.

Oh, did I mention that in this game, the lower your score, the better?  You start out at 1 billion points and count down.

When I opened that phrase book and was stupidly going “what is this?” I both failed and scored in geekdom.

Then Lady in Red started playing, I saw it for what it was, and we slow danced. And I totally rocked the “take her arm part” at the opening with the “ask her to dance” part.

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A Geekster's Paradise Part 3

Underneath the Tiger’s Claw in the Box was this:

photo

Early 16-bit Windows gaming was a leap forward in what you had to do to get it to run, but also a big step backward in terms of graphical quality. Windows 3.1 abstracted a lot of what hardware could do through virtual device drivers.  This had a benefit in multiple programs could use the hardware at the same time, as opposed to MS-DOS based programs which had to run one at a time due to their exclusive hardware access.

So because MS-DOS got direct access to things like the Video card, you could have high performance, great looking games.  But Windows was often relegated to whatever your Video driver color depth ran at (usually 16, sometimes 256 colors) and a much lower performance capability. An analogy to all of this technobabble is that a minivan is optimized to get a group of people somewhere, while a Ducati is optimized to getting one person there, awesomely.

This meant the vast majority of 16-bit Windows games were turn based strategy games, and one of my favorites was Robosport. 

When I brought up my treasure trove of game manuals to E and Major Nelson and got to Robotsport, E actually squeed when I mentioned it.

I remember that!” He said, “you had to pick the right robots and program them to beat each level. “

This is what made the game endless hours of fun.  Graphically it was very simple, but the play mechanics had tons of combinations.  You basically had 5 types of robots, and you program them to take actions within the isometric view of the “arena” to take out the enemy robots. At the beginning of each turn you survey the overall layout of the arena.  Things we take for granted in turn based play or real time strategy games today were available in Robosport by programming your robots.  You would program their path, stance, guard, shoot, attack, rescue, etc. 

It was also the first game I’m aware of for Windows that had cross platform Multiplay.  You could play over a modem with friends running Robosport on MacOS or Amiga.

I spent many hours playing Robosport, naming my robot teams (I always used names and themes from Silent Running, and delighted in using the quote “Poor Louie god bless him; he's not with us anymore” when the bot named Louie got killed.)

One last note about this particular manual.  Go back and look at the picture of it.  Notice the first line of the Installation section: “Please make backup copies of your Robosport disks.  Really.  You want to do this.”  Ahhh those were the days.

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